what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
