I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
