found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
