I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
