ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
