OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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