You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
