i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
