I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
