Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
