and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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