That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
