i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
