how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
