The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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