I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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