He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
