I am full of burrito and curiosity
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
