Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
