Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
