so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
