the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
