I'm going to jail i love you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
