Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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