she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
