I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
