It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
