he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
