remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
