I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
