They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
