And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's the barista slut.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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