So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
