I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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