if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
