did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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