It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Mom said you looked used
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
