I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
