hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
