just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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