3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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