dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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