Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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