he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
