the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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