It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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