I like my sex mixed with concussions.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
