I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
