He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
