Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
