Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
