Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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