yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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