one two three fourrrrnication!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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